Just for fun: The Most Interesting Goaltender in the World

Inspired by the Dos Equis commercials we present...

The Most Interesting Goaltender in the World
“I don’t often play goal, but when I do I wear Brian’s.”

- Literally stands on his head to make saves.
- Rocks a Mage and makes it look cool.
- Named his son Heaton Cooper.
- The entire offensive zone is his crease.
- Some pucks are scared to travel into his trapper.
- A black hole was discovered in his chest protector
- His goalie stick is forged from adamantium.
- Has a stance described as “looking like an angry platypus”.
- Controls the pace of the game by controlling the gravitational pull of the earth.
- Wears his goalie gear to collect honey.
- Has a gear company named after his trapper.
- Stops rims, for the other goalie.
- Trained Finnish sensation Kari Takko, as a four year old.
- Is the Finnish goaltending revolution.
- Scored a goal, short handed, through the five hole on the other goalie, on a back hand slapshot from behind his net.
- Holds the record for most saves in a game with 345. All shots were stopped for a whistle.
- Takes defensive zone faceoffs.
- Beat Ron Hextall in a lumberjack contest.
- Elevates rebounds…into orbit
- Wears a bandana 10X bluer than Kelly Hrudey’s.
- Has got a delay of game penalty for shooting the puck through the roof.
- Built his house out of Antii Niemi’s pads.
- Lines his chicken coop with Reebok pads.
- Owns the Conn Smythe trophy.
- Was the first goalie to wear a mask…as a jockstrap.
- Plays the horizontal standup butterfly style taught in Khazakstan.
- Introduced goaltending to the Mongols.
- Is so good he stopped the spread of the plague in Europe.
- Gets his skates done so sharp he can carve concrete with his sculls.
- His mask gives shooters seizures.
- Has the keys to the Playboy Puck Bunny Mansion.
- Has a sweet permed mullet that flows out the back of his mask.
- Piles the snow on his posts so high the piles are now Saskatchewan’s best skiing destinations.
- Can shuffle post to post on a soccer net…with one shuffle.
- Has push started a tandem grain truck with one t-push.
- Deflected a puck over a grain elevator…with his head.
- Made the Toronto Maple Leafs a Cup contender.
- Can say the name of all the goalie equipment manufacturers in alphabetical order… backwards.
- Once stopped Crosby, on a breakaway, so bad that Crosby’s jock was hanging from the bleachers.
- His hockey hands inspired the smell for Chanel No. 9.
- Told Al Mc Innis, Al Iafrate and Zdeno Chara they “have a muffin for a shot.”
- Can close the gap on the other team in the neutral zone.
- His puckhandling is so strong he initiated the storming of the beach at Dieppe in WWII.
- Pornstars love to watch him stretch.
- Has had panties thrown at him during a game.
- His phone number is on his name bar.
- Eats composite sticks as a pre-game meal.
- Blows kisses at the opposition…and they love it!
- When he uses a backside recovery he doesn’t move, the ice does.


If you know any others, add them...

Here are my faves that are done by other members:

-He has a GAA of negative 3.84

- earned 3 shutouts in a single game.

- is 100% blind but sees perfectly
- he proved the goal replay wrong.
- stops the puck by looking at it, its rumored the last air bender is his son
- even if the puck crosses the goal line, it counts as a save

My wife has bunch of good ones I will try to put on later.